I posted this in two of the communities I belong to and both of them said I would probably get better answers from this community. Hopefully that works out for me. I am also hoping I don't offend with my post.
I have a friend who is a pre-op m-t-f. She's wonderful and amazing, and I find her attractive in an indescribable way. She's not a pretty girl, and honestly there are times when I think she looks like a man more than anything, but she has an amazing alure.
The more time I spend around her the stronger my feelings for her have become, and I am to a point where I would be interested or at least curious about exploring those feelings, but I have my personal reservations and fears. The one I'm concerned about is that she still has the body of a man and I don't believe I could ever have sex or play with a man's body.
What I initially asked was if this is something I should let her know about and work out with her, or is it something that would hurt her and I should keep to myself and not pursue anything further than friendship? though I feel that a conversation between us is probably best for our friendship and our relationship as a whole, which makes thhe other question more important I suppose.
The other question is, how would I/you/someone go about having a conversation like this? I know my friend is very open-minded and realistic when it comes to who she is and where she is in her transition right now, but I still feel that this is a subject that could do her damage, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her in an unpleasant way.
what I've garnered from the other posts is that it could be a sensitive topic and to choose my phrasing so as not to offend her or make her feel degraded. I also wonder now if my reservations mean I'm not a good person for her to date, though I don't think I should try to make that judgement call for her.
The other thing that needs to be said is that she identifies as a lesbian and has expressed an interest in dating me and wants to know why I won't date her. she is also planning on the surgery, but has a lot to get together before she can do it.
if there is other information that would be useful I will do my best to provide it as questions progress.
thanks for your time.